i am most inspired by the
only ones
the day-to-day and nothing
special

lonely ones
on the trains their waytowork
and one more time
fallen somewhere back behind
quiet still and deep between
the cracks
no one noticed
the artists too
they call me quick to dream and doubt and
long and pain
in far beyond and deep
beneath
they sing and screech and claw and make their brushes clash and burn
against the moment
they muck around the sacred darkness of their own
demise
over and over and over and again once more and always
new beyond what tells us has it been
they call me out
they stab me swift and clean and holy shit
they make me
wonder
wild and raging pure
and who inspire me not
at all
not one bit small
who revile and disgust me
the politicians

when all the inordertos are gone
and all the whys and fors
have gone the way of
the last because
the allthatsleft
will be
to be

the way they walk
the how they hold their cigarettes
the way their belts hang low
and just below that patch of skin
that peeks below their tight worn t’s
for one
just one
to glance my way and fix his gaze
to tell me
say
it’s you
i want

numb with want
and traipsing through
to find what i can’t have
i listen to the mother’s day
the somewhere far away the day
that mothers close would spend

trains with flowers
bags with bows and almostthere
places warm with home
that i can only watch
and wonder
why

and when we have finished our lovemaking

our mad, passionate lovemaking

i will not comb my hair

i will leave it wild

the wild that you called it as you brushed it from my face to kiss my eyes

and i will not shower

i will leave myself exactly as you left me

i will leave you on me

i will take you with me

breathing you in as i walk

smelling you, remembering you

and from time to time, reaching my tongue down and tasting you on my bare

shoulder

no one will see you as i walk through my late afternoon

but you will be there

in the fabric of my clothes

in the pores of my skin

and in that place in my heart that your most tender kisses reach

there

you will be

here

with me

the work i do must wake
the fringe
make the cringes
wide and far beyond their first
disruption how
i wonder
will he be my lover
will he stay the longenough to be
not just

i came into this world like all others

and will leave much the same

in my time in between

i will shine

shimmer

gleam

for i am

an extraordinary human being

i am not like the others

i am like them all

like you

and like the mother who cradles her child

so perfect

so flawed

i embrace them

their pain

their joy

their day-to-day despair

and always in them i will find myself

for i am

an extraordinary human being

i awake each day

an ordinary man

one more in a world already full

and in my day

that one more day

a moment arises

born of courage

for no reason

like no other

and in that moment

that magic moment

i give life

i am born

i create myself

as my word

as a world

a world of creation

where all is possible

a world that works for everyone with no one and nothing left out

a world in which i am

and you are

extraordinary

human beings

i want to love

like i loved

my mother

long ago

openly

fearlessly

unconditionally

without concern

before i knew

that i was not enough

that there was something wrong

with me

i want to love

like I loved

my mother

long ago

so many men i’ve fucked

and loved so very few

just so many cocks and balls

in different rooms

with different pictures on the walls

and traded yes i would them all

to have been loved by one like you

he offered me one night

his ass

i wasn’t really in the mood

so i politely took a pass

if only i had known back then

that he was soon to be my ex

that that was to be our last sex

i would have fucked his brains out

fuck them

the synchophants of misery

illusionists of truths untold and lies redressed

in sunday best

the preachers speak their veiled and venomed creeds of hate

to keep me down

to make me wait

for what they say will be the day when i can be with god

their god they say that rues the day that i was born

for i the sinner

go the way

to hell’s swift fire

no need to pray

so let me simply count the days

the endless endless endless days

until i can at last expire